Family Home Evening

Mondays are a day hated by many people, but for our family it's a very special day that we look forward to.  Every Monday, time permitting, our family gathers together after dinner for what we call Family Home Evening to share a spiritual lesson and go through our weekly schedule.  My two daughters Lela and Kayley aka Champa in Lao loves preparing the lessons for our Family Home Evening.  Lela is the mastermind behind Kayley's videos.  I get to see it for the first time after they're done with their video filming, and it always amuses me to see how sweet and innocent they are.  I hope the girls decide to make more videos of just anything because it is such a joy to see them grow and progress.   In this video, Kayley shares with us the message of serving others.  She's four years old here and I can't believe just how fast she is growing up.  These sweeties are wonderful examples to me of all that is good and pure...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EemDWcTnNtw

Born To Serve

My friend from Church (I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints other wise known as the Mormon Church) had emailed me to ask me if I'd be willing to share my story of "Learning Through Service" to be shared at a Women's Conference in Utah.  I hesitated for I felt I did not have a good enough story to share to hundreds and possibly thousands of women on service, but she reassured me I had a compelling story.  So I have been searching, pondering and praying about my life and what service means in my life to the point I did not get a good night's rest last night.

I guess in some weird and culturally Lao way I was born to serve.  My father often told his children, "I have a lot of children so that you kids can serve your mother and I and to help in our family rice field."   Bless my mom's heart and body for pushing nine little bodies into this world without any medicine to ease the labor pains.  In Laos, children learn how to potty train even before they turn one, because diapers just don't exist.  By the time we're five, we pretty much can collect firewood from the woods and build our own fire.  At eight we have mastered the art of making sticky rice and simple egg dishes.  We learn at a very early age to help and serve ourselves.

Serving others almost seems so second natured to me.  I started serving others as soon as I was able to pour water in a cup.  Whenever my parents had family or friends over to visit our home, I was expected to serve water to our visitors with my head bowed down in respect.  Even though I was the youngest of four daughters, I still had to have my place in the kitchen.  I couldn't cook like my older sisters but I was expected to wash and slice vegetables and to do the dishes.  The daughters in our family were responsible for cooking and serving the food to our guests and then the cleaning after dinner was done.  My parents often took us to the Lao temple to not just worship but to cook, clean and serve while we were there.  It was always ingrained in me that we are daughters and are meant to serve our husband, children and others who  needed our help.  

My mother was such an inspirational example of serving others.  Life in the village wasn't always rosy but we got by comfortably enough with the rice we cultivated and meager salary my dad earned as a police officer in Laos.  We all pitched in to do our fair share to help feed and clothe ourselves.  I remember there was a family in our village who were always hungry and never had enough to eat.  My mother would always tell us, "No matter how poor we are, at least we have enough to eat, but that poor family doesn't, and we need to help those who don't have enough."  She'd always give this poor family our family's ration of rice and other food as well as our old clothes, because they needed things more desperately then we did.  Her words and actions are imprinted in me to this day.

Life happens and we forget the teachings of our parents at some point in our lives.  I can honestly admit that was my case.  I became a teenager, strong willed and defiant at times.  I later got married and moved far away from home and immersed myself in my own little world.  I didn't teach my two older children the ways of my parents.   In my eyes I felt, "I live in America now.  My kids are American.  They don't really  need to know Lao stuff."  So in my need to assimilate into the melting pot, I neglected to ingrain in my older children all the wonderful things of my culture and my people.  It wasn't until I lost both my parents did I wake up with a new change of heart.   With the loss of both my parents seven years ago, I felt I had also lost my own identity as a Lao woman.   They were my window to who I was for they held the key to my past and the real me.   I felt a whole new resurgence and desire to reclaim what once was mine, my Lao roots.  I'm grateful not all was lost with my third child who eats, lives and breathes being a proud five year old Lao daughter.  

On my second visit to Laos in December of 2008 to perform a memorial service for my parents in their home village I gained a greater understanding of my humble Lao roots.  My desire to serve my people was born in this village.  I witnessed some of the greatest act of giving by the villagers who had so very little and gave so much of their hearts.  One little old lady was so precious as she handed my "white" husband an orange handkerchief and said to him in Lao, "I don't have much to give to you and this is all I have but I want you to have it."  Before he could open to reveal what was in it, she was gone as fast as she had come by.  In the handkerchief she had mustered a good $2 to give to my husband as a gift for his visit to the village.  We knew that was a whole lot of money for her but she sacrificed and gave it away willingly.  Other villagers came by to present gifts in loving  memory of my parents.  Gifts of small hand held rice bags that they had harvested that season truly touched and warmed my heart and soul.  And here we lived in America, land of abundance and what have we to offer these gentle and humble people?  I felt an incredible guilt and desire to give back and to serve the people and the land of my forefathers.  

Four months after this trip I invited my friends to go back to Laos with me to serve and to help villages and orphanages in need.   My best friends Martha Whitfield and Bree Ponethong who shared the same passion joined me on this trip.  We were also joined by my sister  Noi Singharath who was a very seasoned Lao traveler and another friend named Da.  We went from Southern Laos to Northern Laos visiting schools and orphanages and taking in what help is needed and what we can do to help.  We brought little gifts to the villages we visited.  Nothing grandiose but just simple dental and hygiene kits yet it was received with utmost gratitude from the children.  It was on this trip that we were placed into the paths of humanitarian missionaries from my church that I felt a special confirmation that serving others was a special calling that I've also been called of by God.  I have been so blessed by Heavenly Father that it is only fitting that I give back those blessings that He has bestowed upon me.  It is so enduring to me that these wonderful folks who prior to serving their eighteen month missions in Laos had no idea who, what or where Laos was.  I look forward to the day I am able to serve faithfully with my eternal companion and husband in Laos.  

I came home from that service trip fueled with images of hope and despair.  I could not erase the feelings set firmly in my heart to do more then just visit the villages and bring them gifts that won't last forever.  How could one turn away their hearts and cheeks to images such as these that cry out to be loved and helped, the same things all of us craves for in this lifetime.  I was 8000 miles away from these sweet people and what can I possibly do to help them kept tugging at my heart constantly. 

The powerful words of Helen Keller "Alone we can do so little; together we can so so much" helped me realize that I can not serve alone.  I needed help to help others in a bigger way.  With much insistence and encouragement from my husband who is a very pragmatic man and does everything right and straight by the book, the Jai Lao Foundation, a charitable nonprofit organization was born a year later in April 2009.   We founded this organization as a way and means to give back to those who stand in greater need.  It was also a way for me to reach out to my Lao people to share about charity work and service to the Lao community.  It has helped me to connect to my Lao culture and roots as I reached out to so many Laotians across the world.   Since the founding of the Jai Lao Foundation, three schools in Laos have been opened and a fourth is under construction.  Over $10,000 in Scholarship Grants have been awarded to students of Lao refugee descent in the United States.   Alone, I could not have done this, but with an amazing Board of Directors whom I call  my Jai Lao Sisters and generous supporters from all walks of life have my dream of helping and serving others come to fruition.  

Through the Jai Lao Foundation and service I have learned to be a better person, and I am still learning everyday.  My husband has told me, "Do you know why I love you so much?  It's because everyday I serve you and you love those whom you serve."  His words could not be any more true.  In serving the good people, particularly children of Laos, I have grown to have a deeper love and compassion for them.  I have come to understand I can't change the world but I can change the way I look at the world.  Through serving the people in Laos,  I believe the people in Laos' perception of us Lao Americans have changed.  They see us with more heart and compassion who hasn't forgotten the land and roots we left behind thirty years ago.  I have learned that when we serve others we are truly serving our God and ourselves for we help ourselves to grow and to develop emotionally, mentally and spiritually.  One of the most important things I have learned from a life of service is that we do not need a lot of money to serve.  We just need a good and pure heart to serve and to give genuinely from our hearts.  When we can do all this we can come to truly love those whom we serve.  

Stopping to Smell the Flowers

Hello.  Sabaidee.  I was born Soutkita La Singharath thirty something years ago.  I deliberately did not say exactly how many years ago for I honestly really don't know either.    According to my driver's license it was 38 years ago but according to my parents I was born in the year of the Tiger making me 37 years old. Coming to America to a whole new life meant a whole new birth year for me possibly?  I guess it doesn't really matter for age is just a number right?  Whatever number it is, it only increases each year as my knowledge and wisdom increases or so I should hope at least. 

As I get older, I start to ponder more about my life and who I am.  What are we doing here in this vast universe that we're placed in?  Where will we go from here?  Have I lived a good enough life to go where I need to go after this lifetime?  When will one ever reach true peace or nirvana?  How do we find that inner peace and balance in our lives?  Why shouldn't we all deserve to be truly happy?   My thirst and hunger for complete peace and happiness has led me to search within the depths of my inner soul and that still small voice, one that often times I have failed to hear or listen to.  Being in quiet solitude one can hear not just a pin drop but that still small voice inside all of us....  I have been quiet enough the past few months to actually hear things other then my own loud voice. 

While Facebooking is a great way to connect and share with family and friends about our lives it can also be detrimental when one gets addicted.  I can honestly classify myself as a FB addict for it did interfere with the overall health and happiness of my life.  Not to mention I think it gave my right hand carpal tunnel.   I Facebooked not because I needed to or wanted to but it became an obsessive habit I did when I woke up, watched TV, waited for kids' at school or doctor's office, or washing up before going to bed.  I guess in some way it got a bit overwhelming for me and knew I had to quit my addiction!  I deactivated and quit FB cold turkey right before Christmas to devote all my precious time with my family.  After almost 100 days of being FB free I decided I was strong enough to come back to the world of social media and gain control of my addiction. 

My time away from FB has truly been an eye opener of not just my addiction to FB but other problems in my life.   Recognizing a problem or addiction is more then half of solving a problem.  My biggest problem I came to find out was just that I was going faster then I could run with everything I was doing and I was running out of breath.  I needed to STOP everything I was doing in my life and just SLOW down.   My family and friends like to coin me the "octopus" because I like to eat, drink, talk, and put on make up at the same time while I am driving.  So in a nutshell that shows my animated personality...  I just don't know how to just sit, be still and be quiet.  The past few months I have learned to do just that, learning to do one thing at a time and taking one day at at time.  Now I actually might be too slow so if I'm delayed in a project or two you'll know why. 

I am learning to slow down to smell the flowers, and for me that means I'm stopping to smell the Champa and the Lela.   Champa is a Lao word for the plumeria flower and it's also my 5 year old daughter's Lao nickname.  Lela is the name of my 12 year old and Lela is a type of lily flower in Laos.   My 15 year old son MJ has no floral name to call his own but he can be as sweet as a flower sometime depending on what time of the day you're sniffing him.   They are what makes life ever so sweet and of course like any other children, they can certainly make some days very sour and spicy!